How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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