he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
