Dude my mom stole all your condoms
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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