there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
My sheets look like a crime scene.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
