Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
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So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
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I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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