'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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