Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
