Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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