Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Randomize