YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
