I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize