Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Randomize
