I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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