Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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