Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
