She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
