ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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