Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
