I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
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Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
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The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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