I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
