You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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