I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
