he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
