We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
