My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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