Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
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