would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
