Im at strip club and am horny
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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