he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
