i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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