Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
