i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
