Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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