ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
