I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
