Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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