why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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