i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Even the bartender felt bad for me
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
ok first of all what the fuck
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
