CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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