I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
