I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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