When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
