Don't make out with my wife yet
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
