Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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