Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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