Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
