she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
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Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
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