Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
