Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
