I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
