mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
