Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
