I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
only if we run a train.
done.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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