you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
