I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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