he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
