Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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