the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
