Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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