I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
