her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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