I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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