party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
