i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
