vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Randomize
