I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
