We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
